endocrinologists, breastfeeding and moany gits on buses.

So let's get the endocrinologist done first, since he helps segway into breastfeeding in a way that isn't as exciting as it sounds.

The first annoying thing is that I never get an appointment at hospital at a good time. It's always just as energybaby will be wanting food or a nap. Then I have to wait for generally an hour. This is a pisser as parking the car in the hospital costs about a tenner. Yes, a tenner, once you get past an hour. But if you turn up an hour late, you get your appointment cancelled. Nice one. Usually my mum takes me, as DP can't take time off work and I can't negotiate the handy three buses necessary (it would take an hour and half, too) with a buggy and an energybaby. At least she can then distract him and wheel him round the hospital while I go through the usual rigamarole of being weighed, peeing into a tiny thing, and having BP taken, before waiting some more then finally seeing whichever endo it is this time. Actually, mum regards hospitals rather as theme parks and especially likes Addenbrookes because it has shops. Yes, real ones, like clothes stores and a Body Shop.

I have never seen the same endo more than once. This really annoys me because they then have to spend time reading through my notes. They don't do this beforehand. They start off with the latest TSH etc and say "do you feel better?" to which I reply "no". Then they look at my past history and go "phew" or somesuch at the ridiculous TSH and we start again. This one was a bit of a plonker to put it mildly, not helped by his Germanic accent which never, to mine ears at least, sounds friendly. Blame years of teaching a lot of Third Reich History. I asked him whether I could expect the TSH to carry on moving down at the current rate. He said it depended. I asked whether i'd be aiming to get to 1, or 2. He said it depended. I asked why different areas had different levels of "normal" and why, if I lived in the USA for example, i'd be expected to be lower to be "normal" at which he practically rolled his eyes and said thet they used different measures there, which is bollocks. I then said i'd like toget down to 1 ish as i'd like another child. No real response. A couple of minutes testing reflexes etc, chatting a little about how I still felt crap, then upped the thyroxine to 150mg, back in 8 weeks.

Hang on, I said, no comment on the hormones tests done? Yes, they are low, but i'm still breastfeeding. But are they low for breastfeeding? A blank silence. It is obvious he doesn't know. It is obvious he thinks I am being fussy. If I am still breastfeeding what do I expect? A female comes in. She says they are low, but I am still breastfeeding. I KNOW I say,but surely someone must know whether they are low despite that? No, no-one knows. Then comes the marvellous suggestion that I stop breastfeeding and that I have wasted their time by having the tests done while I still am. This is fantatsic. Surely it is obvious that a woman with a baby might be breastfeeding? And to suggest that I stop before the next 8 week test is ludicrous. Obviously the man is childless. Energybaby is non-negotiable. It took weeks to drop to two feeds.It could take months to loose the last two. I feel strangely belittled, and as if I am being troublesome, rather than doing what is the right and best thing for my child.Like I am responsible for my own lack of hormones through bloody minded breastfeeding. I reproach myslef for not having a go at him, but I am too cowed by the attitude. Next time i'll ask for a female endo.

Actually, breastfeeding and hypothyroidism is a sticky business. I want to continue for a year so energybaby can have as much protection against nasties as possible, and because, goddamit,it's the right thing to do. But it isn't easy. Many health visitors and in fact, GP's, know bugger all about hypothyroidism and nothing about it's effect on breastfeeding. It can make things harder. Certainly at the peak of my TSH levels, my milk was failing. I repeatedly told the HV that I thought this, and the general response was "add formula" or "feed on demand". I fed on demand, but at 5 months this was every hour. I couldn't go out, I was exhauted, and I was suffering a TSH of the 400's. I tried everything, oats, fenugreek, gallons of water etc etc. Once diagnosed, nobody told me it could have affected my milk supply. I'd been determined to get energybaby to 6 months on milk alone, but in the end, started him on solids through lack of choice. I was lucky that my milk didn't dry up and continue to feed him at ten months, but the lack of knowledge about the issue amongst health visitors and breastfeeding support workers was tangible and had I been less bloody minded i'd have given up altogether thinking it was just my milk supply, not relating it to my thyroid at all.

That said, I'll be jolly pleased to get my breasts back at some point. It's been good, but i'm getting a little bored of it now. Half the time energybaby doesn't even want the milk, he just wants comforting. Stupidly I allowed him to associate it with sleep and so it could be some time before he drops the last feed.

As for the moany gits on buses, I may have to return to that tommorrow if I get a chance. I'll have clamed down enough by then to rant about bloody old fashioned buses with no buggy space and no help and no friendly people and moany old witches of women who won't move up an INCH to let me through with a folded buggy in one hand and a baby in the other and sit there saying "Shouldn't be allowed on buses". Old women who moan shouldn't be allowed. I am sick of being treated like an inconvinient problem on transport I am paying way over the odds to use. Makes you want to get a car.


Useful pages on breastfeeding and hypothyroidism.
http://www.kellymom.com/health/thyroid/thyroid-faq.html
http://parenting.ivillage.com/newborn/nbreastfeed/0,,3wwd,00.html
http://www.thyroid-info.com/articles/breastfeeding.htm